· The meaning of rife
· Edwyn Collins singing L.O.V.E. love
· Camouflaged Vicars
· Under the Libyan sun
· Showaddy- without the –waddy
· ITV showing XTC on ecstasy on BBC
· Thigh tongues. (for A.T.) x
· Last bus home.
· Cabbage at the magnet
· Eggs benediction
· Sandpaper hankies
· Farting in reverse
· Winning the pottery
· Wearing thigh length boots as a hat
· Skiddies in your socks
· Finding a tic tac on the bus
· Filling all your ma’s shoes with mashed potato
· hair biscuits
· Having chest hair……..on your forehead
· The Racket
· Being the only Ray in the village
· Wearing yer gimp suit for the school run
· Nudging someone with your nudger
· Sketty legs (arch enemy of leccy legs)
· Bunion bargies
· Wonderful thighs
· Hearing Deaf School for the first time
· Freckled imagination
· Licking lambs
· Revealing a wool
· Coming out the closet…..as a cunt
· Having a baritone testicle
· Getting twatted on Tuesdays
· powdered egg massages
· knitted machetes
· braying sheep on your TV screen
· Ska , after a bottle of bourbon. Yes bourbon..not rum.
· Getting your eggs out everytime someone says “infinity”
· A bit of blues.
· Red jumbo cords (again)
· Stroking butter
· Spicy Y white fronts
· Learning from your pants and moving forehead
· Pickled sideboards
· Tripping up men with man buns
· Being a cunt
· Tripping up men with bushy beards
· Fat Leo (in a bizzare twist, the bugger is now “IN”!..after being out 30 years ago). Well in ye cunt!
· tripping up men with cecks 2 inches above their brogues.
· having a nudger
· Fat, corrupt, Sams speakeasy
· Velvet bellends
· Rum flavoured Leeds fans
· Accepting that factually, “foo fighters” translates in Taiwanese as “Rock for square women”
· Denim beards
· Coconut flavoured ejaculations.
· Adopting a homeless person to use as a pet.
· The Jethro Bodine ' look.
· Tripe and Kale Butties.
· Having your tongue placed firmly up a Lebanese business mans arse.
· Hideous midget dogs.
· Having a permeant grimace about you.
· Singing 'Dooley's ' songs in the bath.
· Boasting about 'copping for a dose' in Smokey Mos.
· Mistaking baldy people for each other.
· Clip in grins.
· Starting up a Scurvy support group.
· Being somewhat excited about a new dishcloth.
· belonging to a pug appreciation society.
· Winking at your microwave oven .
· Benny Hill themed bars.
· Finding a mung bean in ones Vagina .
· Saying to your cat 'who the fuck you looking at?'
· Bringing your child up as a sprout .
· Claiming to have shagged a lollypop lady.
· Utterly pointless window cleaners.
· The sinister emergence of hooligan darts crews.
· Tide marks.
· Gaining insight into ones Chakras.
· Gender fluid budgies.
· Transgender hamsters.
· Getting 'bare tit' after six months of courting.
· Phoney gangsters trying to outdo each other with over the top 'baby shower parties'
· Cutting yer cock off to make your pubes appear longer
· Being droll while yer mates are having a fight in the local
· Having a morning fued
· Baking a can of strongbow and calling it Sunday roast
· Having a ball without a ball in sight
· Gang of Four hanging out with the Rubettes on Tuesdays
· Comforting your testicles
· Curried coats
· Twatting anyone who says “bants”
· Ian Prowes’s leather jacket
· Leccy legs.
· Paul Nuttals sickly grin .
· Charity shop benders.
· Meghan Markles minge.
· Reunions of any kind.
· Not having a beard.
· Bearded cutlery
· Dogging on the Canny Farm Roundabout
· Remembering the Fung Loy .
· Having an unhealthy sexual desire for Rees -Mogg.
· Phoning the police about a football transfer.
· Vaping on ice
· Saying 'thingio an that '
· Normal looking lips.
· Fuzzy hair styles in Old Swan
· Thinking your Tony Montana after a few lines.
· the trendy concept of 'street food'
· Ingrate Brazilian midgets.
· doing a slowie to 'warm leatherette. '.
· Befriending a sanitary towel
· Stone Island (enough already)
· the prospect of a new, one off END fanzine edition
· doing a one off new Edition of The End for some ££$$$$
· resting a large pair of testicles on your bald patch
· fearing eggs
· The frie in the ointment
· having a shit that resembles Ringo’s nose
· Under Arabian sun
· Snorting powdered cum
· Getting an Eggy in yer casey
· Wearing Y fronts and a cows head
· Eating tic tacs on the bus
· Shitting efficiently
· Scousers referring to scallies as casuals
· Playing “whose line is it anyway” in the toilet cubicle in the White Star
· Talking to yourshelf (sic)
· Ordering a pint of vitriol after the derby
· LFC TV
· Irish wool who sings that fucking shite Salah song
· Gobshites in town singing the Salah song
· Gobshites putting video’s on you tube, singing the Salah song
· Dave Mcabe’s new tramp stamp ( a big butterfly just above his buttocks)
· Liverpool One (again)
· Discussing Mark E Smith songs (having never done so before)
· Sharpening your nipples.
· saying “banter” (or any abbreviated form of said word)
· mentioning “abbreviated form’s”
· liking OUTS
· Being dough eyed (sic)
· Being a Robert Killjoy
· Stupid Flannel’s
· Coke’d up neice’s
· Coke’d up neighbors
· Coke’d up ..errr, what was I saying then? OH! Did I mention that time I said something that made 3 people laugh and now I go on about it like it was the funniest thing EVER said in any conversation, EVER …..and it wasn’t even true in the first place and then I had another line and decided to listen to “CAN” but that was a bad move, lad.
· Going into the barber's asking for a Phil Neal perm, knowing quite well you wear a wig .
· Cunning librarians
· Stressed out stained glass windows
· Psychotic farts
· Synthetic lobe enhancement products
· Public rice
· Singing along to Franz Ferdinhand as you make an unusual omlette
· Fried vitriol
· Asking for it
· Ice ice baby
· Asking your mates for ins or outs
· Baked sideburns
· Claiming to have shagged THE QUEEN (Elizabeth II) in the bogs in The Harrington
· Claiming that The Queen used to wear Bowie cecks and dye her fringe blonde and that she bevvied in The Harrington
· Food base ins or outs
· Salt and vinegar flavoured bollocks.
· Wobbly ham.
· Cardboard cardigans.
· Asking for Poof.
· Real ale,
· beards, bellies, man buns, shit clobber,
· shit pubs catering for the above.
· Remembering lampposts fondly.
· Socks for fish
· Boiled c90 cassettes on toast
· Being understanding
· Gathering Kate Moss
· Iron based irony
· Giving a shit
· Buying a record player
· The 80’s
· Any film billed as Powerful and Compelling
· Neil Young’s used sex toys going for £18 on *bay
Contributions from lifelong friend and professional gobshite, Desmond (roots) Shaw , the ex END fanzine pin-up, pretty boy, Tony ( loves Aztec Camera) McClelland, Terry Lindsey and Paul Dooly
*if there are any ins (or outs , ya cunts) That any of you find boring or offensive, please attribute to either or both to Tony or Des. They’re fuckin wrong ‘uns and sheep worriers yer know.